I am a second wife. I am also a mother and a step-mother. My life was relatively sane and quiet before I met my second husband. Unfortunately, he was married to a diagnosed borderline for ten years. They divorced nine years ago, but she has made it her mission in life to “destroy” him and all of his happiness. Even though she has lost miserably at that little game, it doesn’t stop her from trying!

My husband is the custodial parent to two sons, and I am the custodial parent to one daughter. Together, we make an awesome family. Our exes, however, are incredibly angry that WE are so happy. My ex-husband, whom I co-parented with until last year, was a non-issue until my husband’s ex got a hold of him. Yes, you read that right: my husband’s ex-wife found a way to contact my ex-husband (there is no way they’d ever know each other, they do not run in the same circles), and convinced him to try and fight me for sole custody of our daughter. More on that later.

The last four years have been quite the hellish ride, but we’ve survived and are stronger as a family because of everything we’ve been through. I know more about family court, child support, ex parte orders, and custody evaluations than I ever thought possible. Unfortunately, every time we think the fight is over, my husband’s ex files a new motion just to prove that in reality, the fight will never be over.

My husband and I both have advanced degrees and work in a well-respected healthcare field. We are academically versed in personality disorders, and able to deal with them clinically. However, having to deal with personality-disordered exes in our personal lives is a whole different ballgame. The purpose of this blog is to share our story, which includes our triumphs and our failures in family court, and in emotionally dealing with the trauma that comes with having mentally ill ex-spouses.

Disclaimer: for obvious reasons, the names, ages and overall identities of all of the players in this story have been protected. We have three minor children that must be protected at all times. Our ex-spouses names will never be used, as we continue to have monthly court battles with them. Even though the identifying information will not be revealed, everything I write here is absolutely true. You may wonder at times if I am making any of this up, and I assure you I am not. It is all documented as public knowledge at our local courthouse. Here are the key players:

SaneWife: Me…the second wife, step-mother to two children, and custodial parent to one child
SaneHubby: My husband…custodial parent to two children, and step-father to my child
TheHornedOne: SaneHubby’s borderline ex-wife
Crisco: TheHornedOne’s live-in boyfriend

So, please read and feel free to post any and all kinds of comments; we’d love to hear from others who have walked similar paths.


Posted on May 21, 2011, in Introduction and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Thanks for introducing yourself on my blog! I just read through your posts…it never failes to amaze me how many of us are dealing with personality-disordered exes, and the havoc these people wreak. The fact that your ex and your husband’s ex have teamed up to torture you sends shivers up my spine. Hope my ex doesn’t read this and get any ideas…


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