How I Met TheHornedOne
As I alluded to in an earlier post, I don’t have any enemies. I was the kind of girl that was friends with every type of social group in high school, college, and as a working adult. My astrological sign is one of peace and tranquility; I shy away from conflict and am known as the “Peace Keeper” amongst my friends and family. This personality type serves me quite well in my professional life. I work in a helping profession and it is my daily task to help people work through their problems to have healthier, happier relationships.
When I met my first husband, he was divorced with two kids. When we became engaged, I contacted his ex-wife (with his permission) and asked to meet with her. Over a three-hour dinner we got to know one another, and I assured her that I would be the best step-mother to her two children that I possibly could be. I had already established a solid relationship with them, and couldn’t wait to be a part of their lives. I assured her that I would not try and replace her, but that I would be a loving, supportive person in their lives. She trusted me, and knew that I had her children’s best interests at heart. She and I never had any conflict (why would we?), and we co-parented quite well with one another. When my first husband and I divorced she was saddened that I would no longer be a part of her children’s lives, and I was sad, too. However, leaving that relationship was the right decision.
Fast forward to dating SaneHubby. I told him I wanted to introduce myself to TheHornedOne, so that she could get to know me like my first husband’s ex-wife did. I naively “knew” that I could become friendly with her, just like I was able to do before. SaneHubby warned me that this might not be possible, as with every other girlfriend he had had since their divorce, TheHornedOne had stalked them and wrecked havoc upon their lives. I was bound and determined to make this situation different.
One weekend we were all at a sporting event for one of SaneHubby’s children, and we saw her across the field with her boyfriend, Crisco (more later on why we call him that). Near the end of the game, I walked over to her. I stuck my hand out and said: “Hi, I’m SaneWife, and I wanted to introduce myself to you so that you would know who your children are spending time with.” She shunned my extended hand, crossed her arms and said very loudly for all to hear: “Welllllllll, you’re the latest Flavor Of The Month. I’m surprised you are speaking to me. None of SaneHubby’s girlfriends have ever introduced themselves to me. You don’t know who you are messing with.” Honestly, I was taken aback. SaneHubby had warned me that this was how she would react, but I didn’t believe him. Surely my nice personality would win her over? Not a chance! She then said: “Well, we’ll see how long YOU last”, and then stomped away. That was the beginning of my hellish journey with TheHornedOne, yet, I was not deterred. I would win her over! I made it my mission. Little did I know that I would waste many precious minutes, hours, weeks, months and years bemoaning my inability to establish a positive, co-parenting relationship with her for the kids’ sake. You see, I was now known to her as The Enemy, for the simple fact that I was marrying HER ex-husband. Our triangle had been established.